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How To Raise Psychologically Strong Children?

22 June 2018

Stating that the relationship between the mother and the child is very important in the development of the child, the experts emphasize that this relationship should be balanced and consistent. According to experts, it is important for mother to provide attention and protection continuously and consistently, also mother's attention should be uninterrupted, but her protection should not be excessive. Children raised in this way are more robust in life.


Brain Hospital Expert Clinical Psychologist Cigdem Demirsoy noted that the relationship with the mother is very important in the development of the child. Demirsoy stated that motherhood is very sacred and that mother is the most important figure in a child's life.


How To Raise Psychologically Strong Children


Father Is The Protector While Mother Is The Loving Figure

We can say that in the development process of the child, the father especially provides protection against negative behaviours and the mother takes a role in development of positive behaviours. In relation with traditional roles of parenthood, father is usually recognised as the figure of authority and discipline, while mother is recognised as the figure of love in child’s life. Mothers are the most influential figure in learning the social skills along with survival skills by providing attention, love and care to the child. The mother's role in raising the child is very important. In cases where there is no mother, establishing a healthy communication with the child is very important for the primary caregiver. Although not yet proven, it is thought that child and mother bonds during the beginning of pregnancy. In order to create a healthy relationship between mother and child, it is essential for mother to provide care and protection for child in a continuous, consistent and balanced manner.


Balanced Approach Empowers The Child

Mother’s continuous and consistent attention and protection to the child, affects the personality of the child. Children who are raised in this way are more robust in life. If protection was provided in well-balanced manner, and mother cares about the child and pays attention to needs of the child sufficiently, then it affects child’s psychological integrity in a positive way. Then the child finds meaning in life and himself/herself as a result of his/her experiences and then improves by applying it into new situations, people and internalizes it as mental schemes. When the baby arrives in the world, it can survive only by the help of an adult caregiver, and upon that, a bond develops between the caregiver and the baby. The nature of this connection shapes the expectations and beliefs about life itself and others. The first person baby bonds with is the mother, who is the primary caregiver. If a warm, loving, and safe relationship with the mother has been established, this child will be able to perceive himself / herself, the world and other people positively in the future. Otherwise, an unsafe relationship will develop, which forms the basis for anxiety and distrust. It is important for the mother to be "sensitive" to the needs of the child and provide child’s “needs in time and adequately, relatively, and decisively” for a healthy development of social and emotional behaviours and child’s psychological stability. People who have a safe relationship, have a positive self-perception of themselves, trust themselves and others, see themselves worthy of love, be in favour of other people and affirmative of expectations, eager to take challenges and cope well with stress; when they are in need, they ask others for help and can get support.


Even Crying Is Taught To A Child By Their Mother

The fact that the mother takes care of herself at the time of pregnancy is a sign of affection to her baby. If the child is being hugged every time he/she cries, you might even be teaching the child to cry. The attention should be continuous but the protection should not be excessive. The mission of the mother is to show attention, give love to child and prepare child for life.


Overprotection Harms The Child

Overprotective attitudes do not improve the child's problem-solving skills, and the child must be given some responsibilities. If every responsibility is taken by the mother and child has none, then the child grows up without taking any responsibilities. If the mother is overprotective, child will not develop problem-solving skills. It is not healthy and it becomes addictive. Children should be raised within healthy boundaries and extremities should be avoided. There may be some protection from danger at younger ages, but the pre-established bond may be weakened in adolescence age. It's normal. Conflicts might start because the child wants to be more independent. It is necessary to be prepared and let it happen to avoid conflict. We must know the stages of human development and communicate accordingly.


Child Is Not An Extension Of The Mother

The communication style that the mother creates with the child forms the basis of communication with the child's environment. We have a culture that gives less opportunity to individualization. We think of their needs, we make the decisions instead of them. They should not be our extension.


A Child Needs To Learn How To Fall Down And Get Back Up Again

All children needs to be taught key problem solving skills. We must ensure that the child gets a habit of problem solving. If a healthy bond is formed between the ages of 0-2, the later processes will be easier. The child should feel safe and comfortable in environments where a child’s needs are taken into account, where a child is not overly protected. If you do not let the child fall, he/she cannot learn how to get back up again. If you’re not making mistakes, then you’re not trying hard enough. Basically, to learn not to fall, the child must fall. If there is a safe bond, the child will not fall apart and the child will share his/her troubles. If we do not allow his/her independence, the child will always want to get away. Then there will be a conflict.





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